Posted by: zhak39 | June 17, 2008

Post-Op Becomes Pre-Op

Be careful what you ask for.

I have been trying to find time to post a post-op piece.  The universe finally allowed me that luxury.  I have a couple of unoccupied hours right now.  There’s a clock on my right that I am trying not to watch and nothing to do but wait.

Chris is in surgery.

For the past month or so Chris has had intermittent cramping.  Yesterday he told me it was really bad so today I took him to the doctor.  At this moment he is in surgery with a ruptured appendix.

So what has this day been like.  Doctors looking at me like an idiot.  “Why didn’t you do something about this earlier?”  I am riddled with guilt.  I am sick with it.  Why didn’t I do something about this earlier.

My life is so out of balance and I have no idea how to get it back on track.  My son is being cut into, sucked out, cleaned up with blades and sucking machines.  Every time he brought up discomfort we talked about what it might be and how we might ease it.  Would it not have been a good use of time to take him to a doctor four weeks ago and had this looked at before it became a major operation?  I am disgusted with myself.

A report on his condition will come a lot faster than my own.

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Responses

  1. Oh Lord, it was ruptured? Poor baby! I’m so sorry! Call me if you need to vent out loud. You should NOT feel guilty – you do the absolutely best that you can for your children. You’re the best mom I know.

    Love you.

  2. Thank you, Laurie. You are a great friend.

  3. Jackie … you should not feel guilty….every time you asked me what Chris’s symptoms could be I told you I didn’t think it was appendicitis. I’m the goofy one!

  4. I don’t feel guilty any more but I do know that I have to be realistic and get myself back in balance. I understand that Chris’ presentation of appendicitis was unusual and that this was no one’s fault.


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